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Death… do we really know how to deal with it?
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Death… do we really know how to deal with it?
A beautiful piece by Joseph Varon, in the Brownstone, really stayed with me this week. He writes about being with his mother as she was dying, and how different that experience was compared to a hospital setting.
It resonated deeply.
I was with my dad when he passed. I lay beside him, held his hand, and was there as he gently left this world. I feel incredibly lucky to have shared that moment with him, this wonderful man who was the best father.
We had those conversations beforehand. He didn’t want interventions. As a family, we chose to respect that and focus on caring for him, keeping him comfortable, and simply being present. Our doctor, an end-of-life specialist, even advised us not to call an ambulance when the time came—because it would take him away from the peace of home and into a system that might try to prolong things.
Joseph Varon speaks about how modern medicine can sometimes create the illusion that death is optional, that choosing comfort over intervention feels like “giving up.” But caring for someone at the end of life… sitting with them, easing their passing… that is one of the highest forms of care.
Sometimes, there is a time to act… and a time to simply sit in silence and honour a life.
He also reminds us how important it is to have these conversations before the moment comes.
I’ll share the article in the comments, it’s beautiful and well worth a read.
Have you had those end-of-life conversations with your family and loved one’s?
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11 Replies
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Yes, please do share the article. And I’m glad for you and your family to have had that time and peace with your father.
Aaah, I’ll check the Brownstone for the article.
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So sorry @gratitude I forgot to add the link in the comments, here you go https://brownstone.org/articles/the-last-lesson-my-mother-taught-me/ let us know what you think
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Looking forward to the article, thank you!
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Here you go https://brownstone.org/articles/the-last-lesson-my-mother-taught-me/ let us know what you think
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After taking a required Death and Dying class for my BSN I announced to my kids and mom and my fiancé my wishes. Part of the class was getting prices related to burial, etc. I let everyone know if I was cremated, I did not want anyone taking my ashes home. If my ashes were to be interred, I did not want them to be placed in a ridiculously expensive urn when a cute Hello Kitty lunch box or similar container could be used. Bottom line instructions for them was to have a celebration and not spend a lot of money on disposing of my remains. I do need to make some formal instructions though. My dad was on hospice for many months and we were able to honor his wishes which was a blessing. He was walking around until the end and he chose a moment when my mom was gone from the house before taking off with Jesus.
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I love that you have this planned and given your family permission to keep it simple, I agree lets celebrate the lives we are lucky to have cross with ours. Thank you for making us smile 🙂
I forgot to add the link if you would like to read the article https://brownstone.org/articles/the-last-lesson-my-mother-taught-me/ let us know what you think
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Please supply the article – I’d love to read it and pass it on to my elderly parents with whom we have had endless discussions on how to be with a dying spouse/parent.
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Wonderful that the discussions are taking place, I count these moments when my dad and I would chat about life and death as some of my fondest memories … here you go https://brownstone.org/articles/the-last-lesson-my-mother-taught-me/ let us know what they think.
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Would love to read it. As a NP I had my parents die suddenly. Better for them but harder on the ones left behind. Both my in-laws whom we cared for both died at home in hospice care. Those folks are truly angels and walked everyone through the process. But it was God taking them home. My fears and concerns are about the rampant assisted suicides taking place In Canada and selected states in the USA.
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Yes, and the UK is trying to vote the same sytem into place too, this subject just fires me up so much. 🤬
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https://brownstone.org/articles/the-last-lesson-my-mother-taught-me/ thats the link that I forgot to share, let me know what you think.
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